The Dark Side of the Holidays: Loneliness, Anxiety, Grief
Stories from the dark side of the holidays…
Jill’s 36 year old son died of cancer this year. She dreads the holidays. So she told her family that she is going on a cruise with a girlfriend. In fact, Jill is going to spend Christmas alone in a hotel room in another city. “I can cry and be miserable without ruining the day for everyone else,” she says.
Jeff can’t sleep at night. He and his wife both work but after expenses, not much is left. When his two children were little, they were happy with inexpensive toys. This year they want smartphones. He can’t afford one much less two. Jeff dreads Christmas. He will disappoint his children.
Nineteen year old Danielle is away from home for the first time. She is on an army base in northern Europe. She talks to her family via Skype. She can see the Chanukah candles in the background. She is so homesick, she goes back to her bunk and cries herself to sleep.
For many, the holidays are a time of anxiety, sadness, loneliness, disappointment and grief….
If we have lost a loved one, the grief is more acute.
If we don’t have enough money or spend too much, we feel anxious.
If we are alone, we feel abandoned and sad.
If the anticipation is greater than the reality, disappointment overshadows the event.
The Pressure Is On: Be Jolly
Even the best of holiday celebrations can be ruined by too much food, too much alcohol, not enough sleep and family fights. The time and energy expended in decorating, writing Christmas cards, shopping, cooking, attending holiday functions can drive people to the point of exhaustion or illness.
These are some of the reasons holidays are not a joyous time for everyone. And to top it off, there is the pressure to enjoy the holidays…
Where are you going for the holidays? Who are you spending the holidays with? Are you ready for Chanukah? Christmas? What are you doing New Year’s Eve? And afterward….How were your holidays? What did you get? What did you do? Where did you go?
What’s Wrong With Me?
Is it any wonder many people face the holidays with trepidation? And if you are one of them, you might be wondering: What’s wrong with me? We should be asking: What’s wrong with the holidays?
Sappy holiday television commercials and movies play on our emotions. If we compare our lives to those illusory, idyllic models of love and joy, we feel disheartened.
The commercialism of holidays – literally holy days – has replaced the sacred with mad spending sprees. Now the value of the gift is a measure of our value. So we go into debt to prove our love.
We spoil our children and promote materialistic values. It is estimated that Americans spent approximately 22 billion dollars on toys in 2014. That is over one-fourth of global spending on toys. The U.S. has only 5% of the world’s population.
In spite of all that is spent on children, they too experience holiday stress. How do you think Jeff’s children feel when they don’t have an Ipad or Smartphone or a new pair of Nikes to show off?
If you are experiencing the dark side of the holidays…
You are not alone. Many others feel the same way.
Your feelings are normal, nothing to be ashamed of.
Don’t compare yourself to what you think others are experiencing.
Create your own holiday traditions.
Reach out to others.
If you have friends and family to share the holidays with, reach out to those less fortunate. Invite them to join you for a community holiday event. Ask them over for egg nog or hot chocolate. Deliver a small present.
Your small act of kindness may be the biggest gift they receive.
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