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Forget Things. It’s All About People.
Last summer a man in my building died. There are 192 apartments in my south Florida condo, and you can go indefinitely without seeing a neighbor. But it was hard to miss Lester. He was tall and nice looking with beautiful white hair, and he dressed impeccably in Palm Beach colors. He could be seen walking his dog or picking up the mail or going to get the car. Or, best of all, dressed in colorful cycling regalia to go biking. So Lester was kind of a fixture in the building. It was always nice to see him and we exchanged friendly greetings. But I never took the time to get to know Lester. And then suddenly he was gone. One Saturday morning as he walked down the hall to the elevator to head out for a bike ride, Lester dropped dead.
Five days later there was a gathering in his apartment. Many people from the building and friends from outside came to convey condolences to his lovely wife Gail. As they shared stories and thoughts about Lester, I realized what I had missed. This was a good man, a kind man, a man worth knowing. I had missed the pleasure of really knowing Lester. But he gave me another gift.
THE BIG MISTAKE WE ALL MAKE
We are so busy. All the modern gadgets and gizmos that were supposed to make life easier and free up time did the opposite. Now there are never enough hours in the day. Life is so full of things to do. Things we want to do, things we don’t want to do. Things we have to do, things we don’t have to do. And interwoven into every minute of the day are distractions.
Consequently there never seems to be enough time for people. Exchanges with partners are often contentious. With children…easier to give them an Ipad or control of the television. Friends, oh yes, we miss our friends, but who has time for friends? So we don’t nurture our relationships and we miss out on golden opportunities to meet interesting, wonderful, fun people.
Lester’s death was a wake up call for me. We get caught up in the trivialities of life and think, “Tomorrow, I’ll get to that.” But sometimes, tomorrow doesn’t come. So now I try to put people first. When someone calls and asks if I am busy, I say no even if I am. That person is more important than whatever I’m doing. I was at a big wedding recently. Usually I would stick with the few people I knew. This time I extended myself, I engaged. I used to quickly pull out a book or my Ipad when I sat down on a plane. Now I talk to the person sitting next to me if s/he wants to talk. And my life has been enriched by the many interesting and lovely people I have connected with.
PEOPLE NEED PEOPLE
Relationships are the most important thing in the world. They are what make life worth living. It is with people or pets, living things, that we experience love and joy. We need each other to learn, to grow, to thrive, to be happy. People who have good relationships are healthier and live longer.
Depression is far more prevalent among people who do not have good, close relationships. And depression is on the rise in all age groups but the greatest increase is in young people. That tells us that we are lacking something we desperately need. Stress and anxiety are also symptoms of our busy lives and they are on the rise too.
A primary cause of depression and anxiety is loneliness. Without close, caring relationships, we become lonely. There are over 7 billion people on this planet. No one should be lonely. If you are lonely, you need people. If you are not lonely, people need you. Either way, reach out. Open your heart. Connect.
Thank you, Lester, for reminding me of what really counts, and for encouraging me to take time to get to know people. Before it’s too late.
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